.png){kind=small}
Babies Cannot Self-Soothe
A myth that's done real harm. Let's change that.
You’ve probably heard it...
“Just let them cry — they’ll learn to self-soothe.”
“They need to figure it out on their own.”
“You’re creating bad habits by responding too much.”
But what if those ideas aren’t just outdated — what if they’re inaccurate?
What if ignoring your instincts… is exactly what’s making things harder?
What the Science Really Says
Despite popular advice, infants and young children are not developmentally capable of regulating their nervous systems on their own. Here’s what the research shows:
Infants require co-regulation, not independence
-
Dr. Daniel Siegel explains that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for regulation, doesn’t fully begin functioning until later in childhood. Infants rely on co-regulation with a calm caregiver to learn how to manage stress.
-
Dr. Bruce Perry notes that repeated responsive interactions lay the foundation for lifelong emotional health by teaching babies that stress can be safely resolved in connection.
-
According to Gordon Neufeld, separation-based practices (like cry-it-out) can provoke alarm-based defenses in babies, leading them to shut down, not soothe.
Research-Backed Findings:
-
The Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab (Dr. James McKenna) shows babies' nighttime signaling is biologically designed for survival and regulation — not manipulation.
-
A 2004 study in Early Human Development found that infants left to cry alone show elevated cortisol levels, even after they stop crying.
-
A 2011 study by Middlemiss et al. showed that while sleep-trained babies stopped crying externally, internally their stress remained, highlighting a disconnect between behavior and regulation.
-
Co-regulation practices, as supported by Greer Kirshenbaum PhD, help wire the brain for trust, safety, and secure attachment — the building blocks of healthy emotional self-regulation later in life.
Silence Doesn't Mean Soothing
When a baby stops crying during sleep training, they haven’t learned to regulate. They’ve learned that no one is coming. That’s not independence — that’s resignation. True regulation takes time, support, and connection.
There Is a Better Way
At The Family Gateway, I guide parents toward responsive, instinct-honoring approaches to baby sleep and family rhythms — rooted in biology, attachment, and trust.
You don’t have to choose between sleep and connection.
You can have both.
Join the Gentle Sleep Society Waitlist
A safe haven for tired families who want better nights without leaving their baby to cry alone.
Inside the Society, you’ll find:
-
Research-backed sleep education (no sleep training ever)
-
Real-time support for common challenges
-
Connection with like-minded parents
-
Exclusive access to toolkits, Q&As, and monthly calls
Whether you’re navigating frequent night wakings, bedtime battles, or just trying to figure out what’s biologically normal, you don’t have to do it alone. My coaching sessions are tailored to your unique family and rooted in connection, development, and your instincts. You’ll walk away with clarity, practical strategies, and a renewed sense of confidence — without any pressure to leave your baby alone to
cry-it-out or “sleep train.”
Prefer to learn at your own pace? Our self-guided courses and downloadable resources are designed for tired-but-curious parents who want to approach sleep and parenting differently. Whether you're just beginning to break cycles or ready to deepen your connection, you'll find tools to support your heart, your home, and your baby’s needs.
Let's End the Myth for Good
You’re not spoiling your baby by responding.
You’re teaching them they are safe.
You’re building the foundation for their future mental and emotional health.
Because babies cannot self-soothe — and they were never meant to.
They need you. And that’s more than enough.